Suicidal
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: Shepard did everything right. From gaining her crew's loyalty, to upgrading the ship...she had done everything right. But how could everything go so wrong...?


**Thank you Father. **

**I own nothing.**

**Enjoy! **

**Also, as the ending credits for this story, I suggest listening to Halo 2 soundtrack-Heavy Price Paid.**

**Italics-thoughts**

* * *

They were ready. Shepard had completed every 'loyalty' mission and even took time to get Chakwas her Serrice Ice Brandy and play Skyllian Five poker with Ken and Gabby. "Ready Garrus?"

"Always ready for you Commander." His breath tickled the back of her neck as she spun around and gave him a small smile before snapping on the last piece of armor.

"I thought so." She winked at him and the two entered the elevator.

* * *

"EDI-Take these bastards out!" Joker rang out as he frantically piloted the Normandy.

Explosion. Shepard held in her gasp. "What the hell?" Shepard whispered.

"Jack?" Joker questioned, that surprised look in his face.

"EKG has flat lined. She is dead." EDI responded in that monotonic voice of hers.

"That shouldn't have happened." Shepard murmured under breath, disbelieving of EDI's diagnosis. "We researched new shields…new plating."

"I am sorry Shepard." EDI said once again in her monotone voice.

"No you aren't." Shepard growled.

"I can't shake them. I got to go through the debris field." Joker groaned in disappointment. "Those new shields had better hold."

Shepard wasn't so sure anymore.

She could hear the echoes of explosions underneath them and worry ate at her. "Who's down there?"

The debris field scraped at the Normandy, making the ship rock back and forth unsteadily.

"Damage report!"

EDI replied, "Explosion in main engineering. Damage was contained…but Legion did not survive."

"I am sorry Jeff." Joker looked crestfallen. Even though he had mocked the geth…another loss was on his hands.

"No you aren't." Shepard repeated in a low voice. Shaking her head, not pleased with the situation at all. _'Time to put in the Commander.'_ She decided.

"Get in close. Point blank, right down their throats!" Shepard ordered, revenge seeping in. 'They'll pay for that.'

"Everybody hold on! This is going to get ugly." And it was going to.

"Come on you miserable sons of bitches!" They were headed straight for the Collector base. Their own guns were aiming down at the base and they took their shots.

Shepard silently cheered as debris rained down on them from the minor destruction they had caused.

"They got Thane!" Miranda reported.

_'No! How are they dying? I upgraded EVERYTHING!'_ Shepard thought frantically.

"Look out!" Miranda yelped, Shepard physically tensed up from years of hearing those very words.

The ship was flying forward down toward the base. "Hold on!"

They all did.

* * *

"Well we knew this was likely a one-way trip." Shepard sighed and knew that Miranda was correct.

"She's right. But we'll get through this no matter what. And Joker…look into the damage report. Something's not right…they shouldn't have died."

* * *

"Practically a suicide mission. I volunteer." Jacob waited for acceptance.

"I appreciate the thought Jacob but you couldn't shut down the security systems in time. We need to send a tech expert."

"Its your call Commander. Who do we send into the shaft?"

"That's easy. Tali can." Shepard grinned at her friend.

"I won't let you down Shepard."

"I know you won't." They can't fail now. Even with their now shortened crew they could still finish this.

"The rest of us will break into separate teams and fight down each passage. That should draw the Collector's attention away from you."

"I'll lead the second fire team, Shepard. We'll meet you on the other side of the doors." Miranda volunteered.

Shepard was waiting for Jack's objection but none came. Jack wasn't here.

"Garrus, you'll lead the second team." He simply nodded at her and gave her a wink while Miranda huffed and stepped away from the table.

"At least he knows what he's doing." Shepard shook her head at the pouting Miranda. _'Garrus can do it._'

She had a small smile but it immediately faltered as she thought of the loss of Thane Krios, Jack, and Legion.

"I don't know what we're going to find in there, but I won't lie to you. Its not going to be easy. We've lost good people. We may lose more." She allowed one moment of reminiscence and continued her 'good luck' speech.

"We don't know how many the Collectors have stolen-thousands, hundreds of thousands. It doesn't matter. What matters is this: Not one more. That's what we can do, here, today. It ends with us."

Fire burned in her eyes as the small squad agreed and stood up straight, proud. "They want to know what we're made of?" She angrily pointed.

"I saw we show them, on our terms." Blue eyes squinting with resolve, she finished her speech. "Let's bring our people home!"

* * *

"Its getting hot in here Shepard!" Tali cried out as Shepard rushed over to the next node to let Tali through.

"Hold on!" She grunted out in pain, 'Damn Collector beam.' Burns ached on her side when she dodged bullets and pulled out her omni-tool to disable the node. They stopped at the large door keeping her away from the rest of her crew. "Let us in!"

She could hear muffled yells within and continued spraying random fire back at the Collectors. Finally the door opened and she waved Miranda and Zaeed in.

"Close the doors!" Shepard ordered as the Collectors started nearing them.

"They're jammed!" Tali grunted and continued to work on the door controls.

"Suppressing fire! Cover them!" Samara called out as Miranda and Zaeed covered for Tali. She gave up and started to close the doors by sheer force. Shepard joined her and helped Tali close the doors inch by inch.

"Tali!" A rocket blew past her own head and straight for Tali's. She yelled out as the doors finally closed with a ping. She raced over to Tali's side. She was dead.

Sadness welled up within in and she hung her head low. "Tali…" Regretfully she got up as Garrus comforted her with one pat on the shoulder.

Shepard could've sworn she heard a piano playing but then again…maybe the Collectors were mocking her loss with music. Maybe…just maybe she listened too much piano music. She sighed sorrowfully and moved on for now.

* * *

"No Kelly! Get these things opened!" Shepard barked as she helplessly watched Kelly melt into liquid to be used for the Collectors. Her screams grated on her ears as Kelly pounded on the pod for the last time.

Frustrated, she bangs her pistol on the pod and helps the others get the rest of the crew out. "Chakwas! Are you alright?"

"Yes…a few seconds longer and…I'd rather not think about it." The doctor's eyes were glazed over with sudden terror.

"We need to take you back to the Normandy. Mordin."

"Send coordinates Joker. Am ready now." Mordin charged up his pistol and headed off with the rest of the crew.

"They better make it." Shepard mumbled.

* * *

"In theory any biotic could handle it. Who do you want to maintain the field?" Miranda inqueried.

"Samara and I will take a small team through the seeker swarms." Nodding in satisfaction they left.

* * *

"Everybody through the door! Now!" Samara's field was faltering as they rushed forward.

"Hurry Shepard!" Samara fell but the shield was still up. Shepard ran over to her and helped the justicar up.

"No! Fall back!" Shepard looked over her shoulder to see Grunt still firing his rifle at the swarms. "Come on!"

Grunt relented and fell back, arms flailing as he raced toward them. The Collector swarm was after him though. Her breath hitched as Grunt's screams echoed in her comm as the swarms picked him up and flew away.

"Grunt!" The krogan's screams continued for one last second until it ended suddenly.

* * *

"We're coming! Just hold on!" Shepard slammed into the door, pistol held out. Get this door open!" Miranda hit the door panel and went right to work. Samara covered them with biotics.

"Come on! Get in!" The rest of team piled in, none were missing. "Seal the door!"

She was about to sigh in relief but something stopped her. A grunt of pain emanated from beside her. Miranda. She looked up at her with deathly eyes as her hands covered up the wound.

"It was an honor serving beside you Commander…" She trailed off…

One stray bullet. No shields. She was gone.

"Dammit." Shepard muttered as she laid Miranda's limp body down on the ground respectively. "How…?" Garrus laid a hand on her shoulder as Shepard looked away from the dead body of Miranda Lawson.

"We have to go on Shepard." Garrus whispered in her ear as Shepard nodded in silent agreement.

* * *

"Joker? Are you at the rendezvous point?

"I'm here Commander. Chakwas and the rest of the crew made it." She exhaled, the stress lessening.

"Unfortunately, Mordin did not make it. He delayed the enemy so the rest could escape." EDI reported.

"Another one down…why is this happening? Why are they all dying?" Shepard wondered. "I helped them all. I upgrade the ship…I.."

Garrus worriedly looked over to the mumbling Shepard and sighed. The crew had gotten significantly smaller.

"Um Commander? The Collectors are trying to tear through the door so I suggest you think of a plan as quickly as possible." Joker said through her comm., worry coloring his voice for once.

"Got it." She barely whispered, sudden determination welling up within. "Let's do this."

"A rearguard could hold this position and keep the Collectors from overwhelming us." Shepard stood on top the platforms.

"We can stay behind and hold them off while you take two squad members to accompany you." Jacob took the role of Miranda's position.

Shepard looked over her remaining crew members. Zaeed Massani…Jacob Taylor…Garrus Vakarian…Samara. Four crew members remaining. Only four. They should have all survived.

"Zaeed. Garrus." Biting her lip nervously as the two graciously joined her.

"Roger that." Zaeed confirmed.

"I'm here Shepard." Those words comforted beyond what she could imagine. She gave him a reassuring smile and held her hands behind her back.

"Anything to say before we do this?" Jacob crossed his arms, the echoes of the Collectors breaking into the doors behind them.

"We lost some good people. They gave everything to get us here. It's up to us to make it mean something and do them justice." All their faces flashed in her eyes.

"The Collectors, the Reapers-they aren't a threat to us. They're a threat to everything-everyone. Those are the lives we're fighting for. That's the scale."

"It's been a long journey, and no one is coming out without scars. But it all comes down to this moment." One last supportive grin. "We win or lose it all in the next few minutes. Make me proud. Make yourselves proud."

"Well said. Let's go finish this." Jacob picked up his assault rifle and Samara's biotics lit up.

The platform moved them closer to their objective and Shepard was ready.

* * *

"Shepard to ground team. Status report!" She was not ready for it.

"Jacob here! Too much Collectors on both sides. This place is a kill zone!" She could hear the rapid firestorm in the background. That's when she realized that she had only left two people behind to back them up.

Two people. Jacob. Samara. Could they do it? The human reaper interrupted her thoughts as it attacked for the second time.

"Hit the eyes! Hit the eyes!" Shepard ordered as sweat sprinkled her forehead, tiredness hitting her.

* * *

The human Reapers arm flew at them as Shepard ducked to the right. Blue and red lights and explosions blinked around them as the platform shifted shakily. Shepard looked to the side to see Zaeed falling down the side.

She held out her hand, mouth agape with fear, and gripped his hand just as he fell over the side. She quickly lifted him up and her glance landed on Garrus struggling to regain his balance. That's when another platform hit them head on.

* * *

Her back arched up and she pushed away the platform debris off of herself.

To the right…Zaeed. She bent down to his side and rolled him over. He was dead. "Not again." She groaned.

"Garrus!" With an overwhelming rush of dread, she sprinted over to him and biotic threw the metal debris off of him. His gurgling gasp of breath spilt blue blood over the side of his mandible.

Sudden flashbacks of the gunship incident hit her. "Garrus! Wake up!" Garrus stirred and his bright blue eyes met hers. She laughed in relief and helped the turian up.

Garrus had a very noticeable limp and she could feel his blood on her cheeks. "He can make it…he can make it…" She murmured, shifting his weight on her.

"Do you copy Commander? Come on Shepard, don't leave me hanging. Do you copy?" Joker was still there. They CAN do it.

"I'm here Joker. Did the ground team make it?" Her voice was breathy and she grunted in pain as Garrus' talons dig into her for dear life. _'He'll hang on…hang on Garrus.'_ She thought anxiously.

"No sigh of them Shepard. I guess they didn't make it." Exasperated and angry, she held back her sob.

"Human, you've changed nothing." Harbinger. She charged up the long ramp and hefted Garrus along with her, talons still hanging onto her.

"Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction."

She bit back the urge to yell back and switched directions as the Collectors veered closer to the pair. Bullets flew past them as Garrus heavily breathed in and out.

"We'll make it!" She panted as the two made their way closer to the Normandy. Joker was out in the airlock with an assault rifle, covering them. That gave her strength knowing that Joker was still looking out for them, in or out of the cockpit.

She rushed forward but Garrus…his breathing slowed as his legs were no longer running alongside hers.

"Shepard!" He grunted, another bullet hitting his arm holding onto hers. "I can't…you go…go on."

"Hang on…we can do this Garrus. You and me…the two of us together…we can do this." She fell to the floor as Garrus dragged her down, his body weighing down on hers.

"Good-bye…Shepard…"

Garrus died.

"NO! Garrus please! You can't just leave me here alone! I can't do this without you…please." Small tear droplets clouded her vision when he didn't respond back.

She laid his body down gently, resting her forehead against his. "Good-bye Garrus."

The Collectors were on her tail now as she left Garrus behind her. Feet pounding, breathing loudly, legs aching, eyes watering, she jumped. Time seemed to have slowed as her arms grasped onto the Normandy.

"Commander!" Joker yelped as a spare shot hit his shoulder as he was helping her up.

Fingertips gripping the edge she sadly smiled. "Joker…tell them." Joker refused to give up as he landed his arm onto her own shoulder.

"You tell them. You're not doing this to me again!"

"You've got to warn them. More are coming…ah!" Another bullet penetrated her. One arm let go. Joker could feel his own tears coming as the great Commander Shepard was about to die right in front of him once more.

"Joker…go." A smile was clear on her face.

_'Garrus…'_ His face was clear in her mind.

Joker couldn't believe his eyes.

"I failed."

_'All those deaths…on me. But Garrus…'_

Commander Cally Shepard gripped her own pistol, held it to her head, and fired…

"Commander!"

A pause.

"Shepard...how could you?"

Shepard died.


End file.
